BREAKING A HABIT,
MAKING A HABIT – DAY 6

Today is the big day: when we finally work directly with a tricky old habit that is both unwanted and yet has helped as a coping mechanism.

Notice when you are ‘at it again’ today. Using all the skills you have learnt in Days 1 to 5 of this course, is it possible to follow these steps?

Step 1. Recognise (actually, you just did this one!)

Step 2. Name it. Drop your old patterns of aversion and self-disgust around ‘doing it again’ and instead say: “Hello [name of habit – for example, biting nails, swearing, drinking, shouting etc].” It’s going to feel weird talking to your habit. But Day 5’s ‘getting to know you post’ opened a doorway to seeing the habit as a helpful way of coping. It offered a new way of relating to the habit – as a friend, but one that is no longer needed.

Step 3: Identify the emotion. By spotting where the habit originally came from, you saw which part of you needed the habit. So now, it is time to say: “Hello [name of emotion that the habit helps you to cope with – for example, fear or anxiety]. Or name the version of you who had to adopt the habit to cope. So I say: “Hello, 13-year-old Susanna”. Bringing friendliness and warmth to this part of you will really help to switch online the part of the brain where a new habit can take root.

Step 4: Do something ‘together’. Deliberately speaking to the habit, invite them now to share something lovely with you instead. Look back to Day 4 for inspiration of things that may give you a nice moment.

Step 5: Compare and contrast. Really notice how it feels to do something lovely, rather than the feelings of self-loathing (etc) that are attached to the habit. This is the work from Days 2 and 3.

Step 6: Reflect. Notice what it’s like, in this moment, as you do something different in place of the old habit. See the world from this new perspective – the skill learnt on Day 1.

Repeat… lots of times, with as much patience as possible. Day 7 tomorrow is about the skills needed to keep beginning again.